Based on my 1,366 days of parenting experience, I have decided that making judgment calls is definitely the hardest part of being a mom. You know -- the stuff where there is no clear right or wrong answer, but you have to decide what is best? I hate that stuff! I much prefer absolutes.
For example, Charlie has a 99.4 degree temperature this morning. Yes, that is a fever -- I think--but barely. But, his temp is usually low, so does that mean this is even a higher temp for him? Also, is that high enough to relegate him to the couch for the day? Does the runny nose impact the decision? What about the boundless energy?
When he was in school it was easy: fever stays home. But now that he's home, does fever mean we can't leave the house. Is any level of fever contagious? If he rests today is he more likely to be cured by our 6:30 AM flight on Thursday, or does this just have to run its course?
See what I mean? All of those questions from a barely there fever!
The call? Home. Our plans for today included 4 year old and almost one year old friends, whom I would hate to get sick. Plus, I really don't want to travel with a sick kid in less than 2 days. But seriously? We're staying home for a 99.4 degree fever?
Next judgment call: how much TV is too much? And do you bend the rules on sick days? Typically Charlie gets 2 shows of his choice from the selection of Little Bear, Curious George, Word World and Toot & Puddle. Nine times out of ten he watches them in the morning, so if he naps he can have a bit of his Bible movie or Jesus movie while I make dinner -- I figure until he can read, that is the next best thing to reading the Bible with him. Am I making him a couch potato? Who knows!
And yes, now would be an appropriate time to say a prayer for grace and peace for Jason -- poor man. Logic tells me that I'm spending an inordinate amount of time worrying about nothing to avoid worrying about my dad's cancer, but that doesn't mean I'm able to push it aside.
Plus, even with the cancer there are judgment calls regarding when and how long to visit (my ability to be helpful and provide a peaceful environment is obviously severely impacted by my 3 year old side-kick, but let's be honest, he's the one they want to see!).
As I type this, Dad is meeting with Dr. Gomez, his oncologist, to hear their plans for him for the next weeks/months. Chemo will likely start anyday. That in mind, Mom, Dad, Jason and I decided that restful or not, Charlie and I would go for a week now, just to be there while Dad still feels good. Then we'll look at a more "helpful" visit down the road -- and make that call when the time comes.
I sure hope we don't cause more trouble than we're worth... I sure hope this chemo works... I sure hope I don't spend the next eight days crying...
I sure hope I can get over my obvious discomfort with my complete lack of control over my Dad's health and just be a good daughter and mother...
Hmmm....maybe some things are more black and white than I like to think...
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
