Charlie's Mom: 03.29.2011

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Heartbreak

It's no secret that I'm not a very sensitive person. It's virtually impossible to hurt my feelings, and if someone manages to do so, I'll forget within minutes. In general, I consider this a fairly positive trait, because there is just too much other stuff I'd rather focus on -- but there is definitely a downside -- my lack of sensitivity can stretch to other people, making me blind to their feelings and quite unsympathetic at times.

Again, I do tend to think it's more productive to cheer someone up than to sit around and commiserate with them, but at times I can miss things altogether. I make a conscious effort to empathize withe people and figure out how to help them work through things, but rarely do I feel comfortable offering a shoulder to cry on.

All of that said, I had something of a sympathetic breakthrough yesterday afternoon and it was horrible. No wonder I'm no good at it.

Following a fabulous weekend of shopping, digging in the sand, floating on the boat, playing in our brand new teepee and stuffing ourselves on delicious food and way too many oatmeal cookies, Charlie and I took Grandma and Grandpa to the airport yesterday. Since their flight left at 2:40, Charlie drifted off to sleep en route to the airport. I toyed with the idea of waking him up, but honestly thought that would make the farewells harder on all of us.

My little rockstar napper slept all the way home and for another 45 minutes in the driveway while I caught up on some reading. Upon waking, Charlie immediately pointed out that my coffee cup from our earlier Starbucks run was empty, then turned to his right to tell Grandma the same thing, only to notice that she was gone.

"Mama, where Granma go?" followed by craning his neck to see the passenger seat, "Where Granpa go, Mama?"

I responded with a somewhat tentative, "Buddy, they got on the airplane to go home." At which time Charlie's face immediately crumpled, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

Just as quickly though, he brightened up, looked me in the eye and said, "I go find them?"

...and my heart shattered. Why do we keep doing this to him? Why do we keep setting him up to be sad when his grandparents leave? What kind of parents are we?

I have completely changed my mind. I don't want Charlie to go through trials and tribulations and overcome obstacles in order to grow into a strong, wise and sympathetic adult. I want to protect him from everything that could ever possibly even pinch his sweet little heart, much less break it.

For a girl whose typical response to heartbreak is to "suck it up, count your blessings and act your age," life has changed as I know it -- at least as far as Charlie's concerned. Any future friends, teachers, girlfriends, etc, better take notice, hurt my baby and you have to deal with me!

Sadly, though, that in no way solves our current problem. Charlie loves his family and his family is spread from El Paso to Seattle to Kansas City and beyond, and we're in Summerville. I suppose we'll just have to make sure all of the adventures completely outweigh the goodbyes...and then spoil him for a couple days to make it up to him. Sigh...