Motherhood is...

plodding through 5 loaves of Wonder Bread by the August 1 deadline, just to feel completely scammed when notified that due to " an extraordinary response", your one year old will not receive his free Buzz Lightyear light-up lunchbox.

wondering how on earth God saw fit to bless you with the most wonderful creature ever born, despite all of your mistakes over the past 30+ years.

daydreaming of pedicures, massages, etc, then spending the entire 60 minutes wondering where you left The Big Red Barn and whether or not your child will notice it missing before you find it.

welling up with tears when your son whimpers, "Mama it huuurrrts," after you wipe is raw, runny nose.

upon realizing that you need an umbrella stroller, deciding to go with the same brand as your big stroller, but then conducting hours of online, in-store and Baby Bargains research and test drives, only to end up buying the stroller you planned to buy in the first place.

negotiating individual bites of oatmeal for songs, grapes, dances, etc, just to get that all-important iron into your one year old.

wearing a swimsuit in public, sans cover up, despite the cellulite on your thighs and not caring who may see you or what they may think, because your baby loves the beach.

spending valuable pillow hours trying to figure out how to make sure your one year old knows just how loved, cherished and adored he is without turning him into a spoiled brat.

remembering Saturdays full of nothing more than sleep, books and Starbucks and not understanding how you didn't get bored by 10 AM.

laughing uproariously when someone lifts up your shirt and makes loud, obnoxious, embarrassing zerbert noises on your stomach in public.

wishing you could sit down with your 30 year old child and look back on all the growing pains, life lessons and heart break that made him into an empathetic and wise adult without him actually having to go through any of it.

crying at every country song that talks about babies, motherhood, weddings, being born, growing up, going to college, etc, just because it's sweet.

debating whether or not to wake your baby up from his nap because you miss him, but then convincing yourself that it's ok to put him down for bed 30 minutes early because you're exhausted.

looking through all the pictures and wondering where on earth you were...only to realize that you're the one behind the camera.

truly believing that deep down inside all other moms must be just a little bit jealous that Charlie calls you Mama and not them.

what I was born to do.

(Dedicated to my mom, the best mentor a mother could hope to have.)

My mom capturing my dreams of motherhood on Polaroid

Me capturing my dreams come true on SD

Daddy Time

Daddy Time is by far the most precious in our household.  Whether it be "sneaking" across the bed to lean over Daddy and say "Hi" directly into his face to wake him up, climbing into the recliner each morning to help Daddy put on his shoes, racing out to the truck as it rumbles up the driveway each evening or randomly yet frequently asking, "Da-da?", which can be translated many ways:  Where is Daddy?  When will Daddy be back?  What are you doing Daddy?  Please pick me up Daddy, etc. etc.

Charlie loves to tromp around in Daddy's shoes, to play in his laptop bag, to follow him around the yard, to sit next to him in their matching recliners, to walk around blinded by his hats, to vroom-vroom in his truck, to roll across the floor in his arms, to mow the yard in his wake, to drive the boat on his lap, and most of all to talk about and to his Daddy in an endless, high-pitched babble.  Essentially, Charlie just loves his Daddy.

I have to say, we had no idea just how cool Jason was until Charlie was born.  Charlie literally cannot contain himself when Jason walks into a room.  It doesn't matter if it's been two minutes or two days, Charlie's excitement about Da-Da will overflow in shrieks, shouts, giggles and arms thrown in the air.  Jason is truly his "rockstar."  In fact, I like to tease Jason that he knows just what it's like to be a Jonas Brother.  Were Charlie not Jason's son, I'm not sure it wouldn't actually be considered stalking...

Seriously though, when I have a moment to reflect I realize how amazingly blessed I am to have a perfectly healthy and goofy one year old son and a perfectly healthy and goofy 33 year old husband, but even more, to have them be the light of each others' lives. 

I remember journaling back when I was pregnant about who our baby would be.  While I was convinced that Charlie was actually going to be Ansley, on the off-chance that he was a boy, I remember writing that I hoped he would be exactly like his Daddy with only two minor differences:  1 - he would love to read (check - at least so far!) 2 - he would never go through the chewing tobacco stage (I plan to be vigilant and downright mean if necessary!). 

To date it looks like my hopes may be realized.  Charlie is definitely a little, blonde mini-Jason, and I couldn't be more thrilled or more proud!

A few of the basic skills Jason has passed on to his little protege over the past 18 months:

Grooming 101: Basic Cleanliness

Computers 101:  Video Conferencing with BaBa and PaPa

Swimming 101: Toes in the Water

Boating 101: Ease on the Water

Grooming 200: Extraordinary Bathing Opportunities

Chilling 101: The Recliner

Chores 101: Winter Yard Work

Christmas 101: The Art of Digesting Christmas Dinner

Survival Skills 101: Building a Fire

Automotive 101: Truck Cleanliness

Automotive 200: Engine Repair

Animals 101: Slimy Creatures

Animals 200: Hairy Creatures

Grooming 300: Looking Good & Knowing It

Boating 200: Safety Gear

Swimming 200: Fun and Games

Gymnastics 101: The Somersault

Cooking 101:  Sand Birthday Cake for Mom

Grooming 300: The Importance of Good Hair

Grandma Time!

What a fabulous weekend!  Grandma came to town and we had an absolute blast.  From our belated Birthday dinner at Eileen's Thursday evening through feeding the fish last night right before bed, Charlie had a ball  -- and he wasn't even around for the outlet shopping, card playing and fuzzy navels! 

Charlie absolutely loved reading story after story after story in Grandma's lap and practicing his camping skills in his new tent/tunnel combo...but I definitely think the highlight of the weekend was Celebration Town.  It's basically a large, padded room full of jump castles.  After an early dinner of guacamole and margaritas Saturday evening (we adults had to psych ourselves up), we took Charlie for his first adventure based on the recommendation of a good friend.

All I can say is it was absolutely fabulous.  Of course, I have a 2 inch vinyl-burn on my left elbow and Jason may have broken his left foot, but Charlie had a ball!  At first he was much more interested in running around on the padded floor, chasing the balls that other kids were throwing, but once Mommy, Daddy and Grandma joined him in the jump castles, it was game on.  I must have gone down the slide (and therefore climbed the extremely slippery stairs/ladder thing) in the Cars castle at least 10 times.

Jason and I have tentative plans to make Celebration Town a monthly date.   Basically, we'll take Charlie there around 6:00, wear him out, pick up carry-out at Eileen's, Oscar's or Mustard Seed on the way home, put Charlie to bed and have date night. 

The only bad part about the weekend with Grandma was saying goodbye this morning (and the stress/fear that she would miss her flight due to malfunctioning gates at the railroad tracks) -- but fortunately, she made her flight and we are already planning our next trip to El Paso for Thanksgiving.  I can't imagine what Charlie will be up to by then!

Family Hug!

Honest, Grandma,  Mommy lets me eat my crayons all the time!

First Soccer Game

First Corn on the Cob

There he is!

Yeah!  We found him.  Our Charlie is back and appears to be planning to stay.  After a few nights in his own bed and a return to his routine, it appears that life is back to normal.  I'm no longer flinching when Charlie comes at me, confident that he plans to hug, not scratch, bite or hit, and he's replaced his frustrated habits with some new games.

Jason's and my favorite is "family hug".  We have no idea where he got it, but Charlie's new favorite thing is to insist on hugging both Jason and me at the same time.  He demands a family hug every morning before Jason leaves and another each evening while I'm making dinner -- with others sprinkled in from time to time.  It's absolutely hilarious.  If one of us is holding him, he'll yell the name of the other until we're all together, then he grabs us both around the neck, pulls us in tight and giggles.  And once we think we're done, we generally have to come back in for another squeeze or two.  What started out as a funny moment in San Diego has become a highlight to our days.

And I can't tell you how excited I was to replace "Imposter Charlie Peek-a-Boo" with "Where's the Book?" this morning.  After three for four run-throughs of the Boat book, Charlie stashed it behind the couch cushion, looked at me, held open his arms and asked "Go?"  I quickly learned that my role is to become very concerned about where the book could have possibly gone, until in a fit of giggles, he pulls it out from behind the cushion.  Then I say "Ta-Da!"  As you can imagine, for a 17 month old, this game just does not get old...and only ends when Daddy comes downstairs to put on his shoes.

It's definitely good to have our happy little nut back.

Another new game: Naked Piano

Wheeeere's Charlie?

The past few days have been like an endless game of peek-a-boo.  We've had glimpses of our sweet Charlie, but mostly we've been faced with an angry imposter...but let me start at the beginning.

Our trip to San Diego went very well.  In fact, Charlie behaved better on the flights than we ever could have dreamed, despite the fact that on the way out we woke him up at 4 AM to catch a 3+ hour flight at 6 AM, and on the way home, after 8+ hours of traveling, we were diverted to Charlotte where we sat on the runway for over an hour in the midst of a thunderstorm complete with high winds and hail...delaying our arrival in Charleston by three hours. 

Through all of this, Charlie was a champ.  He slept at least an hour per flight and almost 3 hours on the long flights each way, and while he was awake he played happily with his crayons and empty cups or flirted with the other passengers.

On top of these triumphs, Charlie had a great time with his cousins, aunts, uncles and BaBa and PaPa in San Diego.  While he didn't adjust to the time change until the day before we came home, he was perfectly willing to patrol the resort grounds in his stroller from 4 AM to 6 AM each day while Daddy, BaBa and PaPa slept in the room.  We had a great time exploring, eating raisins and chatting with the birds, capped off every morning with the glorious, highly-anticipated opening of the coffee cart, or as Charlie puts it "Caca".

Despite these lengthy stroller stretches in the morning, Charlie also did a great job at Legoland and Sea World.  While he definitely preferred to be out roaming the parks with his cousins, running, climbing, building, driving, splashing, etc, he put up with a lot more stroller time, too.  As a reward Charlie got his first set of duplos, which he valued to the point of locking them in the hotel safe, requiring a visit from hotel security to free them.

Then on Thursday we all loaded into the minivans and took a roadtrip up to Los Angeles where Jason, Charlie and I cavorted in a park just off Rodeo Drive while the rest of the family did a bit of shopping -- after almost 6 hours in the car, we decided not to try our luck in the shops. 

We followed this with a fabulous dinner at Moon Shadows in Malibu with Aunt Monica, where we had the most "California" waiter you can imagine.  He looked exactly like Frank Sinatra in Guys and Dolls and was throwing out surfer lingo and hand signals right and left.  Aunt Erin, Uncle Matt and I enjoyed the show thoroughly -- while Charlie napped blissfully in the corner.

Unfortunately, it was during the drive back to San Diego that the tides turned and "imposter Charlie" showed up.  About 30 minutes from the hotel he woke up screaming and wouldn't stop.  Jason and I were doing everything we could: singing, cuddling, promising, begging, praying, stroking, bribing, but to no avail.  He didn't calm down until we arrived back at the hotel after midnight.  Then he passed a rough night in the pack n play until we woke him up around 5:30 -- not a good start to 12+ hours of traveling, but as I said before, he was a trouper.

"Imposter Charlie" did rear his head a couple times through the week and on the flights home, when Charlie developed a new love for hitting, biting and pinching, but each time he would try it we would just correct him and he would stop fairly quickly.  We were convinced that he didn't even know he was hurting us when upon Jason's recommendation I returned pinch for pinch, and Charlie was completely surprised -- and hasn't pinched since.  How wrong we were though...

Rather than rehash the gory details, I'll just say that Saturday and Sunday were characterized by screams, pouts, smacks, bites, tears and one particularly memorable headbutt -- all by Charlie, other than the tears which I believe were shed all around.  It was as I was watching Charlie laugh at the tears streaming down my face after he headbutted me hard enough to give me a fat lip that I realized it is possible to dislike your own child.  

It was a very scary moment for me.  I have a pretty in-depth theory on like vs. love, but to sum it up, I basically believe that "loving" is a choice we make, whereas "liking" is a reaction we have.  To be clear, I never waivered in my love for the little monster, but I cannot honestly say that I liked the brown eyes laughing into mine.

Jason was actually out helping some church friends on a special project yesterday evening, so the return of "sweet Charlie" for dinner, bath and bedtime was an overwhelming relief.  I'm not sure I could have handled 2 hours of "imposter Charlie" on my own.

Of course, there was a downside to Jason being away.  Basically, I cannot be trusted alone with a channel changer and spent the evening watching the Discovery Health Channel, which was highlighting children with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia.  While even I am not ridiculous enough to think that Charlie was showing signs of Schizophrenia, a lot of the symptoms discussed on the Bipolar show hit a little close to home -- to the point that by the time Jason got home, I felt compelled to discuss the possibility that Charlie was showing the first signs of the disorder.  Needless to say, I believe Jason may be blocking that channel in the future...

Despite his confidence that "sweet Charlie" hadn't been permanently replaced by "imposter Charlie," even Jason was a little nervous to send Charlie to daycare today.  Yesterday morning in the church nursery he actually pulled a sweet little girl's hair, so we were somewhat expecting a call to come get him quite early today.  But much to our surprise and delight, this morning everything seemed to be back to normal.  Charlie seemed thrilled to be back on his normal schedule, waking up on time, eating his breakfast and playing in the living room, and he was excited to see Miss Jo-Jo and Miss Amanda at school. 

All in all, this morning went off without even a glimpse of "imposter Charlie".  And, as it's almost 2:30 in the afternoon and we haven't heard from school, I am hopeful that all of the drama and mayhem of this particular game of peek-a-boo are behind us, and our "sweet Charlie" is back to stay.  I sure hope so...

Jamming with Daddy on the first flight

Pro-traveler

Bliss!

Motorboat with PaPa and Cousins!

Pre-dawn wandering

Coffee Cart is open & has "Na-nas"

Heads of the table

Chuga-chuga

Loving the Legos

Maximizing the Daddy Time

Bob who?

The Killer Whale Show

Starfish are way more exciting

Zoom-zoom

Ready to swim

Fun with cousins

Whee!

Happy Family

Tackling the Tree

Art Appreciation in Beverly Hills