Shame

I have been debating long and hard about this particular entry, and even as I'm typing it I'm not certain I'll post it -- primarily out of shame, but also because it's definitely not a cheerful, humorous update on my silly Charlie.  But, my goal with this blog is to be completely honest and truly capture Charlie's life, so here goes...

This morning has been hectic from the start, because the CenturyLink fleet crew was coming to pick up the EMBARQ-mobile. They apparently finally decided that data analysis doesn't require a company car.  Unfortunately, the driver completely disregarded my email directions only to find out around Holly Hill that our address wasn't in his Tom-Tom, so we had multiple calls back and forth with him trying tell me where he was, so I could give him directions -- rather than stick to the interstate, he thought side roads would be better!  Add to that the standard, getting dressed, packing a lunch, preparing a bottle, etc of a weekday morning and it was a bit crazy around here.

Finally, during the third call I sat down at the computer to pull up mapquest and figure out exactly where the driver was (he'd passed us and was in Goose Creek!).  As soon as I hung up with him, I started writing an email to his supervisor to let him know what a mess it was. 

During these few minutes, Charlie was playing on the floor of the study -- he loves to take all of Otis' toys out of the basket.  While I was finishing up the email, Charlie started fussing, but to my distracted ear it sounded like the standard "I'm bored...come play with me..." cries.  When I stood up I saw that he was actually playing with the old router that's been sitting on the sofa for a couple weeks.  I knew it was there, but as it wasn't atached to anything, I didn't think it was a big deal.

As I knelt down, though, I saw that Charlie had the cord for the router wrapped under his arms and I thought, "well, no wonder he's fussing", but as I tried to unwrap it, I discovered it was actually tightly wound around his neck, as well.  Of course, I immediately unwound it, but I was almost physically sick.  Now, to clarify, Charlie was breathing the ENTIRE time and didn't appear to be in any pain...but it was horrifying.

Charlie plays all over the first floor regularly while I'm making dinner or feeding Otis -- he's never out of my sight for more than a couple minutes, but that's all this was.  Part of me keeps defending myself by saying that I was only 6 feet away, it was only for a minute, I didn't even realize the cord was attached to the router (it's the removable kind), etc, etc -- but the truth is that none of that matters.  Had Charlie pulled more tightly or had he found this when I was in the kitchen making his oatmeal, it could have been tragic.

This is by far my worst mothering moment, and I feel more negligent than I ever thought possible.  Jason and I have worked hard to secure all dangerous cabinets, put away any sharp or breakable decorations, cover all the outlets and protect the stairs...but I let my baby wrap a cord around his neck within an arms reach of me, because I was distracted by my work and complacent with the idea that we had made our home "safe".

I keep reminding myself that Charlie is perfectly fine.  He had a red mark around his neck, but within a few minutes was laughing, playing and eating his breakfast like nothing had happened.

I am ashamed and embarassed to admit that this could happen in my home to my Charlie, but it did.  I am trying to think of this as a blessing, so I don't completely lose it. God protected us and nothing horrible happened to my baby, plus I learned the danger of distraction and complacency. I've read about it a million times, but apparently I had to experience it first-hand to get the message.