Wondering...

If I should get a sassy new pixie cut?  Or maybe a confident bob?  Or perhaps glamorous extensions?

Why, you ask?  Because based on the past 20 hours, a hairstyle defines one's personality more than I ever imagined. 

After a fun lunch with Daddy (Chipotle finally made it to Charleston!!!), Charlie and I stopped by All About Hair for a much overdo trim -- I tend to put off his haircuts because they just never turn out that well.  Charlie watched closely as Ashley chopped and combed and his blond locks fell to floor, and when she combed it up into a mohawk to work on the top his whole face lit up.  Just that morning he had asked for a mohawk and I had declined -- nothing we own ever gets it to stick up that way.

Seeing his glee, Ashley offered to "style" it for him if Mommy approved, and of course I did, so she pulled out the "glue" (sigh...just waiting for him to try this at home), and we were all set.  Charlie was happy, Ashley was charmed and I was amused.  It seemed like a win-win-win -- until post-nap that was. 

Suddenly, my sweet, albeit slightly mischevious, boy was scrunching his button nose into tough guy faces and acting like a little Hell's Angel.  Jason assures me that it's just Charlie being ornery, but after a week of "yes Ma'ams," long naps and help around the house, I'm sure it's the hair.  Thankfully we have a birthday party at the pool this morning, so we can ditch this little biker attitude.

And in all reality, we all know that I will be keeping my medium-length, side-parted, blah haircut.  In part because I'm cheap and lazy when it comes to my hair, but moreso because I'm not sure we could handle any additional sass, confidence or glamour in this family.

The old, old story...

It was no surprise last night when we heard Charlie hollering for me a mere 10 minutes after he'd gone down to bed.  It appears that his metabolism responds best to sitting down to a meal or laying down for bed -- most likely because those are the only times he's still.

Anyway, not too long ago Jason and I instituted a rule that if Charlie neglected to use the restroom prior to bed or meal, we would not read any stories when he went -- our futile effort to institute proactivity.  So, last night as I sat on the bathmat, Charlie started to tell me stories.  The first was about three little pigs who wanted some sugar...then got a tummy ache and went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "No more sugar for three little pigs!"

Then he tangented into something about firemen and somehow ended up telling me that Jesus not only lives inside him, but in his stomach.  Which begged the question, "Does he eat and drink when I do?"

Flashback 30+ years and I distinctly remember laying in my little yellow room with the froggy wall hanging and asking my mom the very same question -- with a visual image in my head of an empty inside of my body with muscle-like walls and Jesus standing in the middle. 

Suddenly aware of the power of early memories, I asked Charlie if he knew why Jesus was so important.  Shaking his head no, he said, "Yes."

So I told him, "Well buddy.  You know that God created all of us and is perfect, right?"
"Yes."
"But we all make mistakes."
"I don't make mistakes."
"Yes, Buddy, you do, and so do Mommy and Daddy and everyone else.  Those mistakes keep us away from God, and there is nothing we can do to fix it."
"Why?"
"Because He is perfect, but Jesus is God's son and God sent Him to be born and live here on earth -- and He never made a mistake -- but then He died on the cross for our mistakes."
Blank stare.
"It was kind of like Jesus didn't do anything wrong, but then He went to time out so we wouldn't be in trouble."
"Why?"
"Because He and God loved us so much, they wanted us to be able to be with them."
"Oh.  Ok."
"Well, then He came back to life and He is alive right now, so now we can be with God."
"When? Today? In Heaven?"
"Well, sort of.  God can live in you because of what Jesus did, if you believe it.  Then someday when either you die or Jesus comes back, you will go to Heaven to be with Him."
"Just me and God?  Not you and Daddy?."
"No, Buddy.  Daddy and I will be there, too, and Charlie, the day you understand and believe that with your heart and not just your head will be the very best day of your entire life."
"Ok.  I'm done now."

Clearly not the environment in which we planned to share the complete gospel with Charlie for the first time, and I suppose I'll have to apologize someday if he has the visual memory I do -- but pretty exciting to know that he's at least heard the whole story!

Island Time...

Who would have imagined what a difference 40 miles could make?  And don't get me wrong, we still love Summerville, but spending a week on Sullivan's Island was the perfect escape from all of our recent life changes.

As is my habit lately, I did a horrible job capturing the week in pictures, but to sum it up, we spent our days racing around in golf carts, lolling about in tide pools, laughing with cousins, aunts/uncles, siblings, neices/nephews and grandparents; taking fabulously long naps listening to the waves and eating wonderful meals. 

Throw in our first Charleston carriage ride, a shark on the beach and Charlie's first exposure to Justin Beiber ("Mommy, please sing Baby!!  Please, Mommy!  I don't remember it!") and you pretty much have a complete picture of our bliss.

I don't suppose newfound unemployment bodes well for moving to the island one day...?

Dear Toy Box,

June 14, 2010 I sobbed as I turned right onto Orangeburg Road from the Toy Box Daycare parking lot.  I had just abandoned my baby in a building full of strangers for the very first time, and I was brokenhearted.

July 6, 2012 I teared up as I turned right onto Orangeburg Road from the Toy Box Daycare parking lot. I had just dropped off my baby in a building full of wonderful ladies who love him for the last time, and I am heartsick.

I am trying not to question the wisdom of pulling Charlie out of  a place that he loves so much -- whether it be for good or for a while -- but it's hard.  Over the past 2 years our family has come to adore these ladies and there are no words to express how grateful we are to them.

To Mrs. Tracy and Mrs. Shelly, thank you for creating such a wonderful, fun, bright, challenging and Godly atmosphere for my baby to learn, but even moreso for hiring these spectacular women to care for him.

To  Miss Alisha, Mrs. Irene, Miss Chelsea, Mrs. Whitney, Miss Kita, Miss Brittany, Miss Brittany, Mrs. Brenda, Miss Amanda and Mrs. Jo-Jo -- and all the other ladies at the Toy Box who though you may not have been his teachers, have laughed with him, eaten his woodchip meals, helped him tie his shoes, and given him hugs  -- thank you for loving him.

And for showing that love through all of the hard work, dedication, time and effort you all put into every single day with Charlie and his friends. Thank you for changing him, for feeding him, for holding him, for correcting him and for being his beloved teachers.

We will miss you all dearly and promise to use the knowledge and tools you've given us to continue to learn and grow into a funny, bright, joyful boy.

Not again!

This year I was even worse than last year...at least last year I got one picture of Rebekah during her visit.  This year?  None!  I guess I was too busy relaxing to remember to pull out the camera.

Nevertheless, Charlie, Jason and I had a wonderful long weekend with my dear college friend, Rebekah.  We beat the heat by splashing in the harbor, cruising the rivers and basking in the pool -- not to mention watching hours of the Olympic Trials and eating way too much food (but what do you expect when our brand new bread maker arrived!?!)

Rebekah and I even spent some time roaming the residential streets of downtown Charleston, stopping to read every single historical marker we passed and leisurely browsed the outlet mall with no toddler in tow!

Overall, it was a fabulously relaxing visit -- and the timing couldn't have been better -- I almost forgot I was unemployed!

Despite failing to get any pictures of our relaxation, I did manage to catch a few shots of Charlie enjoying some new summer activities (this was the first year he stayed awake late enough to see fireworks!)

Options

What to do? What to do?

In 3 hours and 26 minutes I will officially be unemployed, but since I mailed my computer about 3 1/2 hours ago, I'm pretty well finished.

So...now what?  I gave notice at Charlie's daycare this morning -- the most amazing daycare in the whole world, by the way -- and to be honest, that was just as traumatic as losing my job.  We love that place and those wonderful ladies and will miss them all dearly.

At the same time, we put him right back on the waiting list, because if I do get another full time job, there is nowhere else we want him to be.

That said, we have no idea what we even want to happen, much less what is going to happen.  We are very blessed to have many, many people praying for us, but we don't have any idea what we all should be praying for!  I am sure that for some readers that is a shock -- but interestingly enough, I believe that many are shocked for precisely opposite reasons.

I know that many people are praying that Jason and I figure out a way and come to terms with the changes that will allow me to be a full-time stay at home mom, and I think that is a wonderful option for some people, but is it for us?  I mean, if anything, Charlie is proof positive that daycare is not the road to perdition and "daycare kids" are not ill-adjusted and unloved.

At the same time, I know many people are praying that I find another full-time job that allows Charlie to stay in daycare, and that, too, is a wonderful option for some people -- but is this God giving me the push to stay home with him for a couple years?  Because truly, for all of the "socialization" proponents, we know many families with kids who stay home and are not antisocial hellions (and neither are their moms).

Finally, there are the people that are praying that God gives Jason and me whatever solution we'd like.  These prayers are very gracious, but I'm afraid they give us too much credit -- WE HAVE NO IDEA!!

So...here is my request.  For any of you who happen to be praying for us or know people that are praying for us, please pray that God will grant us peace until He reveals His will to us, then the humility and wisdom to obey.

Thank you.

While I Wait

Patience is not my strength.  Waiting is not something I enjoy -- whether it be 3 minutes or 3 years...so how perfect that I was scheduled to lead our Ladies' Bible Study through James 5 this Monday night.  God truly has a sense of humor...

Anyway, as I was convictingly reminded, as a Christian my whole life is really nothing more than waiting for Jesus to return...but James, being so delightfully practical, doesn't just tell us to wait -- he gives us some specific instructions on what to do while we wait.  I love specific instructions!

So, for anyone else who struggles with waiting -- or really for anyone at all, since we're all actually waiting, whether we realize it or not -- here is the notes from Monday.

James 5 - While You Are Waiting

Come now, you rich, weep and howl for your miseries which are coming upon you. ² Your riches have rotted and your garments have become moth-eaten. ³ Your gold and your silver have rusted; and their rust will be a witness against you and will consume your flesh like fire. It is in the last days that you have stored up your treasure! ⁴ Behold, the pay of the laborers who mowed your fields, and which has been withheld by you, cries out against you; and the outcry of those who did the harvesting has reached the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth. ⁵ You have lived luxuriously on the earth and led a life of wanton pleasure; you have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter. ⁶ You have condemned and put to death the righteous man; he does not resist you.

⁷ Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. ⁸ You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near. ⁹ Do not complain, brethren, against one another, so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door. ¹⁰ As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. ¹¹ We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.

¹² But above all, my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath; but your yes is to be yes, and your no, no, so that you may not fall under judgment.

¹³ Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. ¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; ¹⁵ and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. ¹⁶ Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. ¹⁷ Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. ¹⁸ Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

¹⁹ My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, ²⁰ let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

• Thesis of the Chapter: "Life" is what believers do while we wait for the Kingdom of Heaven (James 5:7-9)
• Positive perspective of waiting (Isaiah 40:31)
• "Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles.  They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not grow weary."
• What waiting really feels like (II Corinthians 4:7-10)
• "...we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persectued, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." 
• What NOT to do while you wait
• Pursue Riches ahead of Christ (5:1-6)
• Temporary (5:2)
• Can tempt us to sin (5:3a, 5)
• Can reflect wrong priorities (5:3b)
• Can lead to dishonesty (5:4)
• Can lead to unnatural death (5:6)
• Complain about each other (5:9)
• Judge (James 4:11; Matthew 7:2-6)
• "Do not speak against one another, brethren.  He who speaks against a brother, or judges his brother, speaks against the law, and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law, but a judge of it."
• "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.  And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."
• What TO do while you wait
• Be patient (5:7)
• Until harvest - Jesus comes back for us
• Strengthen your heart (5:8)
• Look to the prophets as an example (5:10-11)
• Suffering & patience bring blessing
• Always Pray (5:13-18)
• Praise when times are good (5:13a)
• Pray when times are hard (5:13b)
• Pray for each other (5:14-16)
• Context "anointing him with oil" in v. 14 refers to medical care of the time
• Power of a man "with a nature like ours" prayer (5:17-18)
• Jesus' Prayer (Mark 14:34-36)
• "And He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch."  And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground, and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by.  And He was saying, "Abba! Father!  All things are possible for Thee; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what Thou wilt."
• A prayer of despair "deeply grieved to the point of death" (14:34)
• An honest prayer for His own, personal desire (God knows anyway, so we might as well ask for what we truly want in our heart) (14:35-36)
• A prayer of trust in God (14:36)
• Watch out for one another (5:19-20)
• Opposite of complaining/judging (5:9) is to confess, pray and assist one another
• Mutual benefit of instructing/guiding one another (I Timothy 4:6)
• "In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constanly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following."

Grateful

So...we're 10 days into pending doom (loss of paycheck, loss of insurance, loss of the best daycare in the world...) or pending opportunity (a world outside of telecom, more time with the monster...), depending on how you look at it.  And while I'm still confused/conflicted/concerned, more than anything I am grateful. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not in complete denial, but as anyone who has worked in telecom can attest, there is no "why me?" when you get laid off.  Why?  Because everyone in telecom gets laid off eventually.  So there's no reason to waste time wondering why. 

Instead, even when I'm trying to throw myself little pity parties, I've been overwhelmed with undeniable awareness of the blessings that have come from the company that just kicked me to the curb.  Here are a few (in chronological order, not order of importance)

1. They recruited a computer major from SMS to intern in the summer of 1998.
2. The brought back said computer major for the summer of 1999.
3. They gave me a temp job back in October 1999 when I had rent, a car payment, no savings and had already quit my other job.
4. They hired aforementioned computer major as a permanent employee in January 2000.
5. They (i.e. a particular Information Services manager) encouraged the regular IS Sr. Secretary's feelings that she wanted to work closer to home now that she'd had a second child and hired me full time on February 21, 2000.
6. They (i.e. the entire IS management team) encouraged me to date the computer major, now Software Engineer.
7. They hired me back to coordinate the buildout of PCS retail stores, saving me from my "dream job" in book publishing which turned out to be a nightmare.
8. They paid for me to travel the country.
9. Many of them attended my wedding to the Software Engineer on February 21, 2004.
10. They laid off the Software Engineer in 2004 (wait for the good part) forcing him to take other IT jobs where he realized that he really didn't want to be in IT for the next 40 years...eventually leading to our relocation.
11. They wooed me over to the local side, then to marketing, my apparent niche.
12. They (i.e a specific Director and Marketing Manager team) concocted a somewhat ridiculous (and expensive) plan to allow me to "transition" out of my job in KC when we relocated to SC.
13. They hired me to work from our new home in SC and gave me a company car and a raise!
14. They allowed the best manager ever to hire me as his analyst even with a new, strict "NO telecommuter" policy -- allowing me to work from home for the first 3 years of my son's life with excellent pay, ridiculous flexibility and no travel!

So, you may be asking...am I sorry to be leaving?  Surprisingly, no. 

In addition to all of the internal career opportunities afforded me by  Sprint Publishing & Advertising/Sprint PCS/Sprint/EMBARQ/CenturyLink, they also did the one and only thing that would get me out of my comfort zone and make me willing to see what else God had planned for me -- they laid me off.

Life Lesson #12,787

Do not expect a three year old to answer the tough questions for you...


Buckling into the car after school...

Mommy: Charlie, Mommy has a question for you.
Charlie: Ok!
Mommy: Buddy, do you like school?  I mean...do you like being at school or being at home better -- or some of both?
Charlie: Well, I like everything about school.
Mommy: You do?
Charlie: Yeah.  I like everything about everywhere I go and ride on toys.


Sigh...so we wait...

Conflicted

How am I doing with my imminent joblessness you may be wondering?

I have no idea what I want to do!  Clearly, I didn't expect to be in a situation to make a decision, but even after four days I'm just a mess of different questions, theories, plans and hopes.

As I see it, I have four primary options (not that I can make any of them happen on my own...so maybe it's four possible outcomes)...

1. Find another full-time telecommuting job
2. Find a full-time job in the Summerville/Charleston area
3. Find a part-time job from home and keep Charlie home
4. Forget about a "job" for the time being and spend the next couple years focussed on Charlie

The thing is, I don't know if any of the four options is even possible...

1. Is there another job out there where I can manage to exceed expectations, make a very generous salary, still make it to Ladies Bible Study on Thursdays at lunch and pick up Charlie by 4:30 every afternoon?
2. Does anything in the Lowcountry pay as well as telecom -- and if so, is that enough to make it worthwhile to tagteam daycare and still have Charlie there for 9+ hours per day?
3. Is there something out there that pays enough to contribute, but is flexible enough to manage with Charlie home without him spending hours in front of the TV each day?
4. Can Charlie and I spend 24x7 together without killing each other (as I've mentioned before, we have very similar personalities...fun, but at times a bit explosive)...and can we make ends meet on a single income (especially considering the heartbreaking reality of Zillow's estimate of our home's worth)? 

As of 1:51 PM on Tuesday, June 19, here are my tentative answers:

1. Yes and God can and will lead me right to it (or it right to me) if it's God's will for our family.
2. Probably not and no.
3. See number 1.
4. Yes...and it will take even more work and planning than 1 or 3, but with God's grace (and lots of prayer) the rewards could be infinitely greater if it's God's will for our family.

So...as of 1:58 PM on Tuesday, June 19, I am still conflicted...but maybe I should just pay attention to Charlie's Bible Verse for the week...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
And do not lean on your own understanding.
(Proverbs 3:5)

Suspicious Activity

It all started with me trying to teach Charlie a valuable lesson about sharing and grace.  He had been contentedly playing in his hole at the beach when a few bigger kids came and asked to play with him.  Jason, Charlie and I were thrilled.

They all played happily enough in the hole for a few minutes, but soon the big kids got bored and asked if they could play with the football and frisbees we'd brought.  Unfortunately, despite his best efforts, Charlie is no athlete yet, so he soon went back to the hole.

As we watched all of the kids play, Jason and I wondered aloud at parents bringing their children to the beach without a single beach toy...odd.  I remember my parents buying me a great big cup on our first beach trip -- nothing fancy, but we were able to make sand castles.

Anyway, as the sun grew hotter and our tummies started to rumble, Charlie started to get fussy, and Jason and I decided that it was time to leave for lunch.  I thought it would be a great idea to give the big kids one of our three frisbees to keep (Charlie gets them everytime we go to Red's with his kids' meal).  Charlie, however, did not agree.

But, you know me -- once I have an idea and am convinced it would be a good developmental lesson, there's no going back.  That is how the tantrum started.

Eventually we got Charlie up to the showers by the pier and his cries just grew louder as we tortured him by rinsing the sand from every inch of his body.  Then apparently we were completely out of line when we tried to dry him off and change him into dry clothes.  To the point that his cries went from general "Nos" and "Stop Its" to "Get your hands off me!"  That is when we started attracting attention.

First there were just the sympathetic glances from other parents, but then a middle-aged man on a bike started riding in wide circles around us.  He kept looking from Charlie to me and Jason, until he got off his bike and just stood nearby watching. 

All of a sudden it occurred to both Jason and me, he thought we were kidnapping Charlie!  It was all we could do not to fall over laughing -- despite Charlie's ongoing rant.

The crazy part is, we may have thought the same had we been watching.  I mean, where did the child learn the phrase, "Get your hands off me!" in the first place?  It sounds exactly like something I would teach him to yell at a stranger trying to grab him.

Thankfully, Charlie eventually calmed down and made it clear through his words and actions that we were, in fact, his parents, but honestly, it's amazing how someone else's perception of a situation can make you feel like you are doing something wrong.  Obviously, we were not kidnapping our own son, but both Jason and I felt somewhat like felons for a few minutes.

The rest of my birthday was much less eventful, but terribly fun.  Despite the major changes and uncertainty coming our way, I am convinced that 35 will be my best year yet!

Prayer Request

I found out this morning that my company was forced to lay off 6 people on my team and I am one of them.  My last day with my current job will be June 29.

Thankfully, God has provided well for Jason and me, and we are not in an immediate financial bind, but please pray that we will have peace and trust in God's plan and the new opportunities or lifestyle changes He has planned for us.

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow, we shall go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit."  Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.  You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.  Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and also do this or that."  (James 4:12-15)

Hula Girls, KC Wolf and Snoopy...what more can you ask for?

Whew!  We've been back in Summerville for almost 60 hours and I finally feel like I'm catching my breath.

Last week was another whirlwind trip back home, and to be honest, I never feel like I do justice to our vacations on the blog -- probably because I don't.  We just manage to have far too much fun, see far too many people and hear Charlie say far too many funny things to remember them all, much less to type them all up.

Nevertheless, here are some of the Charlie's highlights:

He rode

• The moving sidewalk at Midway
• The Gator
• The pink Explorer
• A random bike-thing
• The Allen's Pontoon
• A Canoe
• A Kayak
• About 100 rides at Worlds of Fun
• PaPa's Big Boat
• About 5 rides at The Track in Branson
• Daddy's Bass Boat

He charmed

• Flight Attendants Galore
• Emma, Mallory's friend, and the only person at BaBa's house not related to him
• A group of about 8 pre-teen girls that he ran into in the parking area at the luau
• Polynesian Dancers
• Multiple Waitresses
• A random girl on her way to Myrtle Beach via Charleston

He met

• His new baby cousin, Parker
• KC Wolf
• Snoopy

He played with

• Alexis, Mallory, Ellie, Tyler, Elizabeth, Landon, Parker, Kalani, Demetrius and Hayden (his Kansas City Cousins) and their friends
• Random strangers he met in the sandbox and playhouse at the luau
• Caleb, Logan, Will and Chandley (his Lee's Summit area honorary cousins)
• Tyler, Lindsey, Brynn and Halley (his Branson area honorary cousins)
• Tom & Abby (his Kansas honorary cousins)

So in essence, Charlie came, he saw, he conquered, then he flew home to pester Louie and Otis.  Needless to say, he had the time of his life and had he any understanding of time (currently everything that happened in the past was yesterday and anything in the future needs to be "this day" or it's not important), he would be counting the days to our next visit.