Heartbreak

It's no secret that I'm not a very sensitive person.  It's virtually impossible to hurt my feelings, and if someone manages to do so, I'll forget within minutes.  In general, I consider this a fairly positive trait, because there is just too much other stuff I'd rather focus on -- but there is definitely a downside -- my lack of sensitivity can stretch to other people, making me blind to their feelings and quite unsympathetic at times.

Again, I do tend to think it's more productive to cheer someone up than to sit around and commiserate with them, but at times I can miss things altogether.  I make a conscious effort to empathize withe people and figure out how to help them work through things, but rarely do I feel comfortable offering a shoulder to cry on.

All of that said, I had something of a sympathetic breakthrough yesterday afternoon and it was horrible.  No wonder I'm no good at it. 

Following a fabulous weekend of shopping, digging in the sand, floating on the boat, playing in our brand new teepee and stuffing ourselves on delicious food and way too many oatmeal cookies, Charlie and I took Grandma and Grandpa to the airport yesterday.  Since their flight left at 2:40, Charlie drifted off to sleep en route to the airport.  I toyed with the idea of waking him up, but honestly thought that would make the farewells harder on all of us. 

My little rockstar napper slept all the way home and for another 45 minutes in the driveway while I caught up on some reading.  Upon waking, Charlie immediately pointed out that my coffee cup from our earlier Starbucks run was empty, then turned to his right to tell Grandma the same thing, only to notice that she was gone. 

"Mama, where Granma go?" followed by craning his neck to see the passenger seat, "Where Granpa go, Mama?"

I responded with a somewhat tentative, "Buddy, they got on the airplane to go home."  At which time Charlie's face immediately crumpled, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. 

Just as quickly though, he brightened up, looked me in the eye and said, "I go find them?"

...and my heart shattered.  Why do we keep doing this to him?  Why do we keep setting him up to be sad when his grandparents leave? What kind of parents are we?

I have completely changed my mind.  I don't want Charlie to go through trials and tribulations and overcome obstacles in order to grow into a strong, wise and sympathetic adult.  I want to protect him from everything that could ever possibly even pinch his sweet little heart, much less break it. 

For a girl whose typical response to heartbreak is to "suck it up, count your blessings and act your age," life has changed as I know it -- at least as far as Charlie's concerned.  Any future friends, teachers, girlfriends, etc, better take notice, hurt my baby and you have to deal with me!

Sadly, though, that in no way solves our current problem.  Charlie loves his family and his family is spread from El Paso to Seattle to Kansas City and beyond, and we're in Summerville.  I suppose we'll just have to make sure all of the adventures completely outweigh the goodbyes...and then spoil him for a couple days to make it up to him.   Sigh... 

Flat Lucas Visits Summerville all the way from Alberta!

Story Time

Charlie Knievel

Grandma Knievel

Beach Fun

Grandma & Grandpa enjoying a chilly Sullivan's Island

First Campout with Daddy

Cruising

Frolicking Dolphins

Duck, Granpa!

Rainy Sunday in Charleston

24 Months...

Or according to Jason, "2 years."  I'm not longer allowed to refer to Charlie in months...sigh...

Anyway, we had Charlie's 2 year check-up yesterday, so I have updates -- shockingly though, I found out that barring illness, we won't be back to Sweetgrass Pediatrics until next March.  That's right...my baby that went to the doctor every week, then every two weeks, then every couple months is not required to return for an entire year!

To be honest, I'm not all that concerned with him not seeing them, but I'm really surprised that they don't want to see him more often.  After all, name another child that actually thanks the nurse after she gives him his shot!  Or upon opening his mouth and saying ahhh, looks at the doctor and says, "I did it myself."  I'm mildly surprised that they don't ask him to come back weekly just to enjoy him (and yes I'm kidding...well, mostly...)

So, here we go:

 - Weight - 30 lbs 0 oz (75th percentile) -- mmmm....cake!
 - Height - 36 inches (90th percentile) -- still not sure where this heighth is coming from...
 - Head - 49.5 cm (75th percentile) -- slowly losing the bobble-head look...
 - Dr. French's comments:  "You look perfectly healthy!"; "What a sweet boy!"
 - Teeth - stopped counting long ago, but seems to have everything but the canines from the looks of it
 - Hair - Dark blonde -- we're hoping a summer on the boat, at the pool and on the swings will brighten it back up for at least another year.  Until it's officially brown, we're going for the "Carolina" look with trimmed back and sides but floppy top...it goes with his boat shoes and polo shirts.
 - Birthmarks - Stork bites are very faint on his neck.  Freckle high above right eye hasn't grown or darkened.  Potato birthmark on left shin the same.
 - Naps - Post lunch nap usually 90 minutes to 2 hours.  He doesn't always want to go down, but you can actually reason with him now!
 - Bedtime - Pre Daylight savings it was 7:00 to 7:30; right now it's about 8:00, which we'd love to maintain, but I will be surprised if he doesn't pull it back himself.
 - Waketime - Pre Daylight savings it was 6:00 to 6:30; right now he's making it to 7:15 or even later, but again, I expect it to start edging back.
 - Favorite Foods - Just about everything.  Pancakes are still number one -- especially when accompanied by sausage and orange juice (our Saturday standard), but oatmeal with cinnamon, bananas and strawberries is a close second.  He's doing much better with meat -- even off the bone, and even ate some lettuce the other night.  And while I'm not sure it counts as "food", he is obsessed with candy.  Since Halloween he begs for it constantly, especially Tootsie Rolls and Gummie Bears.
 - Favorite Song - Toes by the Zac Brown Band, which he requests by asking for "ZBB"; also loves to sing Twinkle-Twinkle to himself in his crib and have Mommy and Daddy sing "Great Big Hairy Spider," "Buckle My Shoe" and "Bushel and Peck".
 - Favorite Dance - Definitely dancing less, but adores "Pockafoozie" and his new "Shake a Leg" dance in his Grover book.
 - Favorite Toys - Desk, phone, truck, scooter, swingset, lawn mower, weed eater, etc -- basically anything he can use to pretend to be an adult, and his blocks that he and Daddy use to build houses and then demolish them.
 - Favorite Game - Anything using his imagination to pretend. He is constantly telling us what he's doing, where he's going, etc -- yesterday a wood chip was a "mint" that he needed for his "coffee breath"!
 - Interests - Trucks, firetrucks, keys, boats, books, phones, Big Bird
 - Recent milestones -
     - Speaking in paragraphs (per nurse he should be saying 50 words and using 2 word sentences...that was about 9 months ago...)
     - Saying "Yes, Ma'am" and asking for things with "May I please have.." -- love it!
     - Watching up to 5 minutes of TV (Sesame Street) at a stretch
     - Really, he's just a little boy now.  He basically acts just like a mini-Jason...
 - Imminent milestones -
     - Starting potty training
     - Will likely move to a big boy bed sometime in the next 6 months...though he is perfectly happy in his crib
 - Best Friends - Ret, Reed, Callie & Noel (from neighborhood), Philip (from church), Aaron, Bryce, Hayden (from school), and of course, Youie.
 - Hero - Daddy, Dad or Pop -- depending on his mood
 - Personality -
     - Silly - He loves to make you laugh and then will say "I bein' silly!"
     - Active - He only sits still when eating...otherwise he's 100 mph climbing, running, jumping, dancing...
     - Curious - The questions have begun.  He wants to know what everything is and where everything is that isn't right in front of him (we take regular roll-calls of everyone we've ever met and endlessly discuss what happened to the tractor from the vacant lot, the boat that used to be for sale on the way to school and whether or not the firetruck doors will be open or closed every time we drive by).
     - Joyful - Charlie is joy in human form.  He has his difficult moments, but in general always smiling, laughing, singing, chatting and loving everyone around him.
     - Loving - While still not a "cuddly" child, Charlie loves his friends, his grandparents, his puppies, his neighbors, his teachers, his babysitter and his Mommy and Daddy.  He likes to give bear hugs and smacking kisses...the sweetest kind!
  - Overall diagnosis: Perfect.  What can I say?  Charlie is cuter, sweeter, smarter, sillier and more fun than we ever dreamed a child could be.  He is our absolute delight!

Enjoying his Post-Shot Shake

Hauling his brand new scooter (reverse is by far his preferred direction)

Ready to Scoot!

Too Much Fun??

Thankfully, that's impossible, otherwise we would have come dangerously close over the last week!  From his second birthday on, Charlie's life has been a whirlwind of friends, family, presents, balloons, boat rides and food, and he has loved every second of it!

BaBa and PaPa arrived late Thursday night and were woken up very, very early Friday morning by a very, very excited 2 year old.  While the adults leisurely prepared for Charlie's Bar-B-Q and cake mini-party with the neighbors, he lived it up opening presents, showing off on his swingset and charming his grandparents.  Throw in a ridiculous number of balloons, an impromptu playdate with Avery and an oatmeal cream pie or two and you have the ingredients for a perfect day. 

Then to cap it off, Callie, Noel, Reed, Ret, respective parents, Garret, Amanda, Chad, Corrisa and Bob & Donna all came over to feast on Duke's and Big Bird then open even more presents -- including a second trash truck for the fleet, zoo legos, a microphone that records Charlie's newfound love for singing (at its most hilarious over the video monitor) and our very own bowling set (definitely the hit of the night).  And all of that was just the first day of BaBa and PaPa's visit!

Saturday was boat day (which on any other day would have been the highlight far and above anything else) but on this particular Saturday Charlie got his first pick-up truck (in a long line, I'm sure) from BaBa and PaPa-- and was actually driving it within about 3 minutes.  As Debbie said, "He is all boy!"  Picture Jason with a brand new, fully loaded (GPS, working radio, "leather" seats, tow kit, etc) truck and you'll have a glimpse of how excited Charlie was (and still is!)  He even dispatched Mommy to the playroom for his gas pump, so he could "get gas"!

After prying him away from his truck, we had a glorious picnic on the boat and spent the afternoon cruising around Daniel Island, then enjoyed and ocean-view dinner at Huck's on IOP -- yummy!  Charlie definitely started fading by dinner, and like Mommy is quite prone to spilling things when he's sleepy, but he charmed the staff of Hucks and they let us stay.

Sunday started out with fun in the nursery at Church then another picnic on the boat and cruise through the rivers.  Charlie definitely has his sea legs and is intent on taking over as Captain long before Jason will be ready to retire.  Mini-Jason he is.

Monday was spent riding rides, slurping rootbeer floats and running in circles at the outlet mall with periodic stops in the shops, when Charlie would ask, "More outlet ball, mama???" convinced that the outside fun and games were the purpose, not the racks of clothes and shoes -- though he did get into the shopping mood when he picked out his first pair of Sperry boat shoes...it's going to be quite a challenge to keep him from wearing them to school.

We finished the day with a wonderful steak dinner at Grill 225, during which Charlie (sporting his brand new pink polo which he picked out himself) again charmed the entire staff and discovered a love for Tomato-Rosemary Risotto and salad.

The only lowpoint of the past week was when I had to explain to a very sleepy 2 year old that since he had slept in until 8:00 Monday morning, BaBa and PaPa were already on an airplane back to Kansas City.  He immediately demanded a flight to KC of his own and burst into tears when I said no -- froggy, raspy tears...like his Daddy, Charlie apparently loses his voice when he spends an entire day shrieking and laughing and yelling.

In one of my smarter moments, I scheduled a playdate with Philip for yesterday afternoon and a doctor's appointment for this afternoon, so we're coming down from the weekend high slowly (yes -- the doctor is totally a highlight for the crazy kid).  Combined with a few birthday presents trickling in (awesome ones, by the way!) and we didn't have to go cold-turkey on fun.  Plus, Grandma and Grandpa arrive next week, so we'll swoop back up to all fun, all the time for a few more days. 

We will definitely need everyone's prayers to get Charlie through the vast, visitor-less month of April...unless of course anyone is looking for a beach, boat and toddler-filled vacation in sunny South Carolina (hint...hint...)!

For me?

"I just two!"

Don't float away...

"Silly Youie..."

Checking out the options

Pretty good horsepower...may eventually upgrade the air filter, though...

Pit stop for some yard work

Everything tastes better on the boat!

Captain Charlie

They walk alike...they talk alike...

Completely Recharged!

Using his Big Boy Manners (mostly...)

Such a Dapper Group! 

One last ride before bed...

730 Days

Actually, 730 fabulous, outstanding, wonderful days!  Charlie is officially two years old and we are so much more in love (and in like) with him today than we were even 7 days ago, much less 730 days ago!

Being something of a Birthday junkie (to put it mildly), I have been looking forward to Charlie's special day for weeks -- not so much the fact that he is growing up at the speed of light, but that we get to dedicate an entire day to adoring and spoiling our little man.  Charlie and I both took the day off from school and work, respectively, so we could focus on being a Birthday Boy!

As all proper Birthdays should, the day started with Mommy and Daddy serenading Charlie with "Happy Birthday" while we opened his blinds and got him out of his crib -- The first in a long line of serenades including a duet by Grandma and Grandpa, family harmonies by Chris, Chrissy, Carter, Cole, Cade and Camden and by Willi, Rebecka, Brynn and Halley, a choir performance by the entire staff and patronage of Cracker Barrel, another duet by Bob & Donna and countless on-demand solos by Mommy -- after all, who can resist "Sing Happy Birthday to me, Mama!"

Next up? Presents of course!  Charlie walked into the living room to see his brand new Monkee puppet show and  his first lawn mower and weed eater surrounding his very own roll-top desk -- made even more cool by the fact that it was Grandpa's when he was a kid!  After doing a bit of work and mowing and trimming the carpet, Charlie dug into his other presents and found a new Big Bird, some awesome clothes (including his official Birthday shirt with Snoopy on it!), and his very own medical kit -- we might have a part-time doctor when the seas are too rough for fishing! To cap it all off, Charlie received a super-special video message from Great Uncle Jim in Kansas City.

Knowing our son as we (and Uncle Jim) do, Jason and I scheduled his Birthday "dinner" for 8 AM at Cracker Barrel -- pancakes and sausage and orange juice and biscuits, plus dozens of adoring older women, and a tootsie roll on the way out -- what more can a 2 year old ask for? 

Sadly, reality set in after breakfast and Daddy had to go to work.  Determined to have fun anyway, Mommy and Charlie went to Target in a futile attempt to replace our recently injured, beloved "Bumbee" Pillow Pet -- despite what the commercial claims, the washer may not be such a good idea.  Mommy was excited about the prospect of replacing our big Bumbee with a little Bumbee, but while Charlie enjoyed cuddling two litte Bumbees, when I asked which one he wanted he looked at me like I was crazy and said "I need big Bumbee, Mama!"  And, of course, Target didn't have any, but a late night run to CVS would fix that problem.

After Target, we got our first  2 year old haircut (a little shorter than planned since someone was still feeling the effects of the whip cream on his pancakes) then went to the Balloon Store to order the balloons for Friday and pick out a Big Bird driving a School Bus balloon (and yes, I am quite certain that this balloon was designed specifically for Charlie).

On to a fabulous playdate with our buddy Philip, then home for Macaroni & Cheese and a late nap.  After nap Charlie put Mommy through a litany of medical tests and procedures, performed his first puppet show, did a bit of bookwork at his desk, mowed the yard and "trimmed" the rose bushes -- quite the productive day.  And if we weren't having enough fun, throughout the afternoon he received a balloon delivery from BaBa and PaPa, his first Laptop "Puter" from Uncle Travis and Aunt Natalie, and some new books and Sesame Street dishes from Nanie & Grampie -- like Mommy, Charlie loves packages and is already developing a healthy appreciation for the Brown Truck!

Yes, it was an absolutely perfect day.  Yes, I spent much of it reminiscing about March 9, 2009 when we waited and waited and waited for Charlie, who finally made his "sunny-side-up," umbilical cord in a fireman's carry, "linebacker shoulders" entrance at 10 PM.  Yes, I am fostering in Charlie my same absolute adoration for Birthdays!

The icing (and sprinkles) on the cupcake was a fun-filled evening with Bob & Donna while Mommy and Daddy attended a memorial services for our dear friend from church, Barnie Reeves.  If Jason and I can grow up to be half the parents Barnie and Faye are, I know we will have "fought the good fight...finished the course...[and] kept the faith," just as Mr. Barnie did.

Soupy!

"It Unc' Jim.  Hap' Birthday, Unc' Jim!!!"

I did it!

Whoa...

My 'Puter!

Conference Call with BaBa and Nanie

Members Only

Yes, that's right, my baby made it in to the most exclusive club on the Pond!  Charlie (aka Charly [sic]) is an official member of "The Club House"!

I believe the President and Vice President are Ret and Reed, and I'm sure that Noel and Zach play pivotal roles in governing the group, while Callie keeps everyone in line, but I can't swear to the hierarchy.  All I know for sure is that when the flourescent green sign went up, Charlie made the list as a charter member -- and per Miss Dawn, he was automatically included without any parental suggestions/prodding. 

I honestly think I might be more excited about this than I will be when he gets his college acceptance letter.  My baby has friends -- and not just ones that Mommy or his teachers instigate -- he has real friends that run over and ask to push him on the swings when they see him outside and knock on our door on Sunday afternoons to see if Charlie can "come out and play".  He was even a member of the second place Scavenger Hunt team at Reed's 6th birthday party yesterday. 

I remember playing with a large group of kids ranging from 2 years younger than me to my brother Chris' age (6 years older than me) at our house in Lenexa.  Obviously, we didn't all do everything together, but even us little kids were invited to the Rock Concerts in Alex & Cutty's basement.  I am so excited to live in another neighborhood full of children of various ages who will spend the next few years playing and laughing and growing together. 

Just think, in a couple years Charlie will be one of the big kids pushing Baby Beckham Reuber (debuting this July) on the swing!  Childhood is so much fun!

Playing Pirate on the 3rd Floor

Chivalry at its best?

Swingin' Good Time

Reading with Reed

Progress...

Despite whimpers of "Don't want go 'cool, Mama," and "Don't like big boy class", we are making progress. 

Following some stealthy interrogation, Jason and I believe Charlie's biggest concern with his new class is the potty.  He doesn't like it.  He's not afraid of it, but he's perfectly happy in his diapers.  This comes as no surprise, as at 23 3/4 months he's also perfectly happy in his crib -- as in he has never tried to get out and we are pretty sure it hasn't even crossed his mind.  So yes, Grandma is right, despite outward appearances, in some ways Charlie is just like Mommy.  We like routine.  We like things that work for us.   We see no reason to make changes when things are working...

I vividly remember crying to my mom in the kitchen that, "I [wanted] to go home" for months after our move across town when I was eight.  I also remember sobbing in my room the semester that all my coworkers went overseas, started internships or graduated, and I was left at my college job "alone".  Then there was the day that my temp job at Sprint Publishing ended (at least temporarily, which I didn't know at the time), and I walked to my car barely holding back tears, because in my nine weeks as Senior Secretary to the IS department, I had made myself at home (interesting point, Jason hadn't even started yet, so it was actually the job and other people I was going to miss!)

So...it looks like Charlie might be plagued for life with this particular form of stubbornness/sentimentality/fear of change.  Obviously, I survived all of these changes and presumably learned from them, and I'm sure Charlie will do the same -- I just hate the fact that he has to suffer in the meantime.

Did I mention that as of Monday he'll be in pull-ups and forgoing the sippy cup?  All of that in addition to a new classroom, new snacktime and four new teachers.  This is some serious upheaval for my little man -- plus he's expected to go to the bathroom out of the safe, warm comfort of his diaper -- are we crazy?

Believe it or not, the "progress" I mentioned in the title isn't just in my understanding of his situation and the resulting empathy...he's doing better!  He hasn't cried since Tuesday and this morning I think we had something of a breakthrough.  I dropped him off in the toddler class, and like most days, his class was outside playing, so after hanging up his back and putting away his cup, we headed into the hall towards the playground...but Charlie turned left and walked to the Big Boy Class!

To clarify, I asked if he wanted to go outside or into the Big Boy Class, and he assured me that he was heading in his direction of choice.  So, we went in.

Miss Brittany and Miss Brittany (gotta love that!) were thrilled to see him, and Marley, Miles, Karleigh, Vivi and Andy all came running up to welcome him.  While he didn't immediately join in the dancing and laughing, he didn't cry -- and by the time I walked by after notifying Miss Jo-Jo and Miss Amanda that Charlie was in the other room, he was tentatively participating in bubbles. Progress!

Monday will still be rough (on both of us), but we'll make it through the first of a lifetime of transitions and changes and upheavals.  I'm just grateful that I get to help him through this one, and just maybe, by the time his baby moves up to the Big Boy class, he'll take it in stride -- after all, we're supposed to raise them to be better than us, right?

Hats are the new "must-have" fashion accessory at our house...

Even Mom's getting in on the act!

We made it...

Charlie and I just survived his first full-fledged, no holds barred tantrum.  I thought we'd had tantrums in the past, but they were nothing compared to this one -- and we made it.

It technically started when Charlie helped himself to some cheese crackers from the pantry after finishing his afternoon snack of jell-o and cheese.  Charlie knows full well that our pantry is not self-service, and I was fairly convinced that he was not starving, so I said no, took the crackers away and told him to stay out of the pantry.  That's when the screaming started. 

Realistically, though, I think the crux of the problem lies in the big transition.  Charlie is in the process of moving up from the Toddler class to the Younger Twos at school -- and he's not too happy about it.  Yesterday he started sobbing uncontrollably when Miss Brenda took him out to play with the big kids, and today he just wasn't himself. 

I have to admit that I thought I would be the one to struggle with this transition -- after all, I'm not ready for him to turn two, and Charlie knows all the kids in the Younger Twos and usually loves new adventures.  I was wrong.  I don't know if it's the bigger room, the different teachers, the regular trips to the potty or just a vague understanding that he is no longer going to spend his mornings with Miss Jo-Jo and Miss Amanda and his afternoons with Miss Brenda and Miss Janet, but he is definitely out of sorts. 

His confusion and anxiety are breaking my heart, but I guess all we can do is power through.  After all, I don't think the directors are going to agree to Charlie staying in the Toddler room indefinitely, nor can I imagine that they'd move his four teachers up just for him -- though a few more days like this and I might be tempted to ask...

Anyway, I am fairly sure that Charlie said "I want crackers" more times in the past 20 minutes than I have said in my entire life -- and I am certain that he said it louder and more shrill-ly than I ever have.  Screaming, sobbing, whimpering, thrashing, begging, swatting...we had all of it.  "I want crackers" briefly switched to "I want jeans on" (no idea where that came from), but quickly switched back. 

Determined not to give in and reward Charlie for his tantrum, I sat with him on the time out bench, moved with him to the recliner, turned on Big Bird and quickly turned it back of upon Charlie's demand.  Basically, for 20 minutes I just sat there and held a screaming toddler -- and it worked. 

Finally, his cries died down and when he asked for crackers I told him that he could have a banana or milk.  He asked for white cheese instead, and I compromised -- once he'd said "May I have white cheese, please."

I'm not convinced that I won this battle, since he still ended up with food.  But I know I didn't lose, since the crying stopped and no one's had any crackers -- plus, maybe he really was hungry and at least he ended up with something healthy.  What's more, right now he's happily shouting "Daddy's here" while slithering out of his highchair buckle.

Now I know what a a real tantrum is, and I just pray I'll be strong enough to make it through the next one, assuming we make it through transition week in the first place...